Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Why I Would Never Recommend Jezebel's Gallery
I've been sitting here beating myself up for feeling so sad. I really didn’t have anyone to talk to about this thing that happened to me today. I am feeling so alone. And all I can do is cry. Then it occurred to me that there are people out there that might understand. Artists like myself that put their hearts and souls into their art and not until they know it’s the best they can do can they put their names on them. These are our babies, our creations. Like children some are better than others, but they are family.
So when I agreed to let Jezebel’s Gallery show these paintings, I hesitated. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to leave them there, but this gallery came with a good reputation and the location wasn’t in the art district of Santa Fe, NM, but it was considered to be the second art district in the area. Madrid, NM. It felt like the first time I sent my kids off to camp. Happy but already missing them.
I know I’m an emotional person. Some say too emotional. But I’m connected to my paintings. Ask Denise because she couldn’t understand why I cried when I left them. She was so excited that I had been accepted into this gallery and said that artists waited years for just the chance to show in this gallery. I should be on top of the world. But I loved those 6 paintings that I dropped off. I had them framed before I gave them to Jezebel’s Gallery. They looked their best.
Two years later, seriously no communication with the gallery. Times are tough, but they weren’t when I left the paintings. But they didn’t sell. I got an email saying how much Jezebel really loved my paintings, but because they hadn’t sold to please come and pick them up.
Okay. That was fine. I didn’t know why she couldn’t pick up the phone like a real human being and call me, but I called her to tell her I understood and needed to make arrangements for shipping. When I did call, she wouldn’t come to the phone. I had to relay my message between her sales girl and her, knowing that she was standing right there because I’d say something and less than ½ a second she’d be back with Jezebel's answer. It was just strange. There was no reason for bad feelings. No angry phone calls or emails. I understood that it was time to move on. I wasn’t at all angry. The only time I actually heard from her was when she asked if she could lower my price and I agreed. But for some reason she wasn’t comfortable talking with me.
I needed to know the cost of shipping the paintings because I live in Phoenix, AZ and I wasn’t up for the drive to New Mexico. This was September 20, 2009. Her sales girl said that Jezebel would get back to me. So I waited two weeks and emailed asking if they had gotten the amount of shipping yet. I got an email back that they would figure that right up and get right back to me. So I waited another two weeks. I emailed again, but this time I said to just go ahead and mail them C.O.D. which is what they had wanted to do. All I wanted to know was how much it was going to cost. You know, so I could find some money to pay it. No reply. So I waited another two weeks and wrote my last email. It's now November 2nd. I asked Jezebel what she needed from me in order for her to ship my paintings. I was still very polite, not angry. Just business.
Jezebel took offense for some reason and the next thing I know I get a call from Miguel from Jezebel’s saying that he needed my credit card number and $150.00 to ship the paintings. So finally it’s going to be over. No more cat and mouse game from these people. I was happy. He said they would be here on Thursday.
It didn’t occur to me that I should have asked for a receipt for my $150.00 or a copy of the shipping invoice. It was my fault that I didn’t insist that I know how much insurance they put on the shipment to cover for damages. I stupidly assumed that they would know to do this. None of this occurred to me because Jezebel is a glass artist. She ships glass all the time. She knows that you need packing material in a box with GLASS.
I got my paintings today. They had wrapped the paintings with paper, stacked them on top of each other. All of them different sizes, threw in some more loose paper and shipped them. Every piece of glass is shattered. The matting is sliced. I’m not ready yet to try and tape the glass together enough so that I can take out the paintings because they could easily be damaged, too. Oh, and one of the paintings wasn’t even in the box. I don’t know where that painting is.
So I called. Of course, I couldn’t talk to Miguel who wrapped the paintings. He wasn’t available. I had stopped asking for Jezebel a long time ago. The sales girl asked me to take pictures and she would get back with me. Of course she didn’t.
But the question I have to ask is why? Why couldn’t they have done a better job and gotten my paintings back to me in the condition I left them in with this awful gallery. Why? What would the benefits to them have been to be so vindictive? What do you think my chances are of Jezebel’s Gallery reimbursing me for damages? I know, you’ll get back to me.
So when I agreed to let Jezebel’s Gallery show these paintings, I hesitated. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to leave them there, but this gallery came with a good reputation and the location wasn’t in the art district of Santa Fe, NM, but it was considered to be the second art district in the area. Madrid, NM. It felt like the first time I sent my kids off to camp. Happy but already missing them.
I know I’m an emotional person. Some say too emotional. But I’m connected to my paintings. Ask Denise because she couldn’t understand why I cried when I left them. She was so excited that I had been accepted into this gallery and said that artists waited years for just the chance to show in this gallery. I should be on top of the world. But I loved those 6 paintings that I dropped off. I had them framed before I gave them to Jezebel’s Gallery. They looked their best.
Two years later, seriously no communication with the gallery. Times are tough, but they weren’t when I left the paintings. But they didn’t sell. I got an email saying how much Jezebel really loved my paintings, but because they hadn’t sold to please come and pick them up.
Okay. That was fine. I didn’t know why she couldn’t pick up the phone like a real human being and call me, but I called her to tell her I understood and needed to make arrangements for shipping. When I did call, she wouldn’t come to the phone. I had to relay my message between her sales girl and her, knowing that she was standing right there because I’d say something and less than ½ a second she’d be back with Jezebel's answer. It was just strange. There was no reason for bad feelings. No angry phone calls or emails. I understood that it was time to move on. I wasn’t at all angry. The only time I actually heard from her was when she asked if she could lower my price and I agreed. But for some reason she wasn’t comfortable talking with me.
I needed to know the cost of shipping the paintings because I live in Phoenix, AZ and I wasn’t up for the drive to New Mexico. This was September 20, 2009. Her sales girl said that Jezebel would get back to me. So I waited two weeks and emailed asking if they had gotten the amount of shipping yet. I got an email back that they would figure that right up and get right back to me. So I waited another two weeks. I emailed again, but this time I said to just go ahead and mail them C.O.D. which is what they had wanted to do. All I wanted to know was how much it was going to cost. You know, so I could find some money to pay it. No reply. So I waited another two weeks and wrote my last email. It's now November 2nd. I asked Jezebel what she needed from me in order for her to ship my paintings. I was still very polite, not angry. Just business.
Jezebel took offense for some reason and the next thing I know I get a call from Miguel from Jezebel’s saying that he needed my credit card number and $150.00 to ship the paintings. So finally it’s going to be over. No more cat and mouse game from these people. I was happy. He said they would be here on Thursday.
It didn’t occur to me that I should have asked for a receipt for my $150.00 or a copy of the shipping invoice. It was my fault that I didn’t insist that I know how much insurance they put on the shipment to cover for damages. I stupidly assumed that they would know to do this. None of this occurred to me because Jezebel is a glass artist. She ships glass all the time. She knows that you need packing material in a box with GLASS.
I got my paintings today. They had wrapped the paintings with paper, stacked them on top of each other. All of them different sizes, threw in some more loose paper and shipped them. Every piece of glass is shattered. The matting is sliced. I’m not ready yet to try and tape the glass together enough so that I can take out the paintings because they could easily be damaged, too. Oh, and one of the paintings wasn’t even in the box. I don’t know where that painting is.
So I called. Of course, I couldn’t talk to Miguel who wrapped the paintings. He wasn’t available. I had stopped asking for Jezebel a long time ago. The sales girl asked me to take pictures and she would get back with me. Of course she didn’t.
But the question I have to ask is why? Why couldn’t they have done a better job and gotten my paintings back to me in the condition I left them in with this awful gallery. Why? What would the benefits to them have been to be so vindictive? What do you think my chances are of Jezebel’s Gallery reimbursing me for damages? I know, you’ll get back to me.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
The World Is Still Turning But It Feels Different
It’s been a while since I’ve written. Actually since before I left for Perth July 9th. What a time that was. Yes, it did change me. I came back filled with love that I can carry with me now always. A beautiful family and a land filled with lovely people. It was beyond any thoughts or anticipations that I had.
Do you know that in Australia people are actually happy. They work hard at jobs that fulfill them, with people that they can laugh with and then they go on holiday. If they get sick they actually can go to a doctor. If this is socialism I want it.
When I got home my entire world opened up to me. I keep pinching myself to realize that it is all real. Now I have to write about Jessy.
That’s not her Chinese name, but certainly easier for me to say. She has become my angel. She bought “Ladder” from me in April and she says that this painting has changed her. She decided to help me in my pursuits. She has opened up doors for my art that I could have only dreamed of. She just walked up to these doors and opened them. Oh she’s worked hard, but she knows how to organize and make things happen. And in her words, “I’m always thinking”. Her story is more magnificent because of where she started. A lone little girl who had big dreams, got knocked down hard and stood back up and is now power and compassion. She has taken my art to a new level. I won’t bore you with details, but I can say that next month I will be featured in a six page section filled with my paintings and writings in a very respected art magazine in China. They told Jessie that I am their first non-Chinese artist that they have featured ever. She has gotten critiques from two of the most famous artists in China, made a brochure of my work and entered me in two international shows. All this in a matter of three months. Yes pinch me. It’s been a while since I felt a purpose to paint. Now I feel an obligation to paint just to make her proud.
Even in these hard times greatness is possible. Success is possible. No my head isn’t swelling up with ego, but I do have hope now. I do feel that I’m moving forward. And I’ve learned a lesson. A nice lesson this time. This is the lesson of partnership and trust. I can’t do it all alone. It’s okay to accept help. Just as long as I always remember: Never take advantage. Share not only in the joy, but the compensation, as well. And give credit where credit is due.
I always love synchronicity. Before I left for Australia my wonderful sister bought me this great Nikon SLR camera. That was first. The second was that I have always wanted PhotoShop to work with my images, but could never afford the price tag. Two weeks ago Worldstart.com advertised a program called PhotoDesigner Pro that was similar to PS, but only, are you ready, $8.95 and free shipping. I bought it. Then I found out about the magazine spread. If I hadn’t had my camera I wouldn’t have been able to take the photos needed for the magazine and if I hadn’t had this program, which came one day prior to finding out about the magazine opportunity, I would never have been able to size, turn the images into TIF and adjust the color just right for the magazine. The stars are in alignment for sure. And this program is very similar to PS. Jessie has PS and we were able to talk back and forth on what was needed. I could do everything that her PS did. So thank you Beth and Worldstart. Without you I could not have taken advantage of this great opportunity.
You can feast your eyes on my sisters artwork at http://www.artbyelizabethtaft.com/
Also go to http://www.worldstart.com/ and buy PhotoDesigner Pro. You won’t be disappointed.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Thoughts
It's been nearly a week. I've been working on staying in the NOW. It's hard. So much going on. Bills to pay. A house to clean and a yard that needs seriously attention. Work on my latest painting Stay in the NOW. Don't redo the entire evening. Don't go through every word you said. Don't analyze. Let it go. Be in the NOW.
Andrew. A shining light. A man with an eternally youthful smile. That smile carries itself through eternity and back. So genuine. So kind. A clear karma. He knows what his path is. He knows who he is and he knows where he's going. Contentment and joy. That's Andrew. Yet I know that he works himself down to the bone. He carries the trust of important people. Loving people, but just the same, he works so very hard. Does he stay in the NOW? Is he always present? It seemed that way.
Eva. I have absolutely no idea what her age is. She is timeless. Inner beauty and grace. Efficient or she wouldn’t hold such an important position. Yet, like Andrew, she is so comfortable with herself. Always gracious and kind.
I could spend the rest of my life and never reach the level of grace both of these people were born with. Are they married? Do they have families? Is there a husband waiting for Eva? Is he as evolved as she is? Or is she like most, in a relationship that takes work, patience and love. I doubt that Andrew is married. When would he have time to see a wife, care for a child, be present for them. He's all over the world. Traveling between every country on the globe. Doing his work that he knows has purpose. Working for a man who is even more than him, if that's possible.
So it's been almost a week. I've failed at being in the NOW. I've dissected every single word I spoke. Second guessed how it came across. I was nervous around Andrew. Probably because I felt he held my future in his gaze, attentiveness. What did he see?
I know some things. I know that I am doing what I was meant to do. I know who I am and where I've come from. I know where my healing needs to go. I also know that I must be done with all of it and be in the NOW in order to be where I want to be. It's not about money or fame or prestige. It's about doing my work. Telling truth through my work. Sounds simple, but it's the hardest thing I've ever attempted to do in my lifetime up to now. NOW. There's that word again. I can't afford to make a misstep, but I know I will. I'm not like Andrew and Eva. I'm flawed. I have baggage and issues around me every day that I have to put myself into. It's time to ask the question again. The question that stops the internal chatter. The words that bring me in, explore me in, turn me in. NOW. I feel my fingers toughing the keys to the keyboard. Flowing across mindlessly. I can type. Thank God for that. I can type fast and accurately. But if I stop and think about each key instead of the phrase I'm typing I make mistakes. Is that it? Not questioning each touch of the key. It stops me like it stops me when I question every word I say. I need to let it flow. Keep going without thought. That question is back. It's the only thing that stops me.
What is my next thought?…………………………….
Andrew. A shining light. A man with an eternally youthful smile. That smile carries itself through eternity and back. So genuine. So kind. A clear karma. He knows what his path is. He knows who he is and he knows where he's going. Contentment and joy. That's Andrew. Yet I know that he works himself down to the bone. He carries the trust of important people. Loving people, but just the same, he works so very hard. Does he stay in the NOW? Is he always present? It seemed that way.
Eva. I have absolutely no idea what her age is. She is timeless. Inner beauty and grace. Efficient or she wouldn’t hold such an important position. Yet, like Andrew, she is so comfortable with herself. Always gracious and kind.
I could spend the rest of my life and never reach the level of grace both of these people were born with. Are they married? Do they have families? Is there a husband waiting for Eva? Is he as evolved as she is? Or is she like most, in a relationship that takes work, patience and love. I doubt that Andrew is married. When would he have time to see a wife, care for a child, be present for them. He's all over the world. Traveling between every country on the globe. Doing his work that he knows has purpose. Working for a man who is even more than him, if that's possible.
So it's been almost a week. I've failed at being in the NOW. I've dissected every single word I spoke. Second guessed how it came across. I was nervous around Andrew. Probably because I felt he held my future in his gaze, attentiveness. What did he see?
I know some things. I know that I am doing what I was meant to do. I know who I am and where I've come from. I know where my healing needs to go. I also know that I must be done with all of it and be in the NOW in order to be where I want to be. It's not about money or fame or prestige. It's about doing my work. Telling truth through my work. Sounds simple, but it's the hardest thing I've ever attempted to do in my lifetime up to now. NOW. There's that word again. I can't afford to make a misstep, but I know I will. I'm not like Andrew and Eva. I'm flawed. I have baggage and issues around me every day that I have to put myself into. It's time to ask the question again. The question that stops the internal chatter. The words that bring me in, explore me in, turn me in. NOW. I feel my fingers toughing the keys to the keyboard. Flowing across mindlessly. I can type. Thank God for that. I can type fast and accurately. But if I stop and think about each key instead of the phrase I'm typing I make mistakes. Is that it? Not questioning each touch of the key. It stops me like it stops me when I question every word I say. I need to let it flow. Keep going without thought. That question is back. It's the only thing that stops me.
What is my next thought?…………………………….
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Do I Need A Second Job?
Yesterday I was in a cleaning mood. Everyone's always happy when that happens. Of course, I expect a great deal of praise for the beauty that I created. I'm not what you would call a clean freak like my daughter, the nurse, but I do like a clean, picked up environment. The clutter in my head lessens when the house is in order. Today I feel like writing.
I talked about needing a job to help with the downward spiral of our finances. Well, I made an attempt at a temp agency last week. They didn't have any openings. I could probably land one. Prior to being a full time artist, full time faux finisher, full time artist again, I did work in secretarial/management positions. I know this sounds like a huge excuse, but hear me out.
Not to bore you, but I have to give you a bit of a profile so you will fully understand my circumstances. Without it, this wouldn't make sense. We are living literally on the edge. My husband is in the commissions game. He places people in apartments. The apartment communities pay his office a fee and he gets 50%. We're talking maybe $150.00 per client. It takes a whole lot of clients to pay our bills. Prior to my vertigo problem I was bringing in around $25,000 a year from faux finishing plus whatever I made through art sales. We are now unable to pay our income taxes just to mention one issue. So, my getting a job would definitely help our situation. Now to the real problem I have. Just how much does anyone really need.
This is relative, of course, to one's state of mind, position in the community, etc. But, morally, with everyone losing their homes, children starving and living in cars, I have to ask the question. We could lose our home, too. That's a real possibility. But we don't have small children to feed now. Just our two dogs, one cat and a duck that can't fly that lives with us in our pool. So for me to take a job would seem wrong.
If I were to land a job, how many other men and women who have small children to feed would not get that one job available. If you think I'm stretching this theory look at the unemployment numbers and at least double them because they are truly not reflective of how many people have lost their jobs. I really think we all need to do our part in helping. I wouldn't feel right about taking a job that someone more needing of that job would lose.
I know, you ask, "How would you know you had taken it from someone more needing?" I don't. But lets be serious here. I'm not a specialist in biochemistry. Whatever job I would be qualified for could be filled by a lot of people.
What I'm trying to say here is this, what do YOU really need and how much can you live without in order to survive? I have been accused of being too ethical. I'd rather be more ethical than egotistical. There is a lot I can give up and have. I love my home, but it's not the most important aspect of my life. Not anymore. I've taken inventory and found that I could go way down the economic scale and still be very happy. I can only work on a few paintings at one time so my expenses aren't extreme. If all of us would dig deep and realize that there is real need out there, there probably wouldn't be as much need. We are all a family. If giving up an extra income that would make me more comfortable is all I can do to help others, I'm willing to do it. Thank God my husband shares my views, because he has to work very hard to keep us afloat. But he does have a job which is more than a lot of people can say right now.
As I'm sitting here writing this a dove just walked into my room from my patio. How absolutely wonderful is that? I'm talking to him right now and he's just standing here with my cat and two dogs right next to me on the floor. We are all just talking to each other. Life is good.
I talked about needing a job to help with the downward spiral of our finances. Well, I made an attempt at a temp agency last week. They didn't have any openings. I could probably land one. Prior to being a full time artist, full time faux finisher, full time artist again, I did work in secretarial/management positions. I know this sounds like a huge excuse, but hear me out.
Not to bore you, but I have to give you a bit of a profile so you will fully understand my circumstances. Without it, this wouldn't make sense. We are living literally on the edge. My husband is in the commissions game. He places people in apartments. The apartment communities pay his office a fee and he gets 50%. We're talking maybe $150.00 per client. It takes a whole lot of clients to pay our bills. Prior to my vertigo problem I was bringing in around $25,000 a year from faux finishing plus whatever I made through art sales. We are now unable to pay our income taxes just to mention one issue. So, my getting a job would definitely help our situation. Now to the real problem I have. Just how much does anyone really need.
This is relative, of course, to one's state of mind, position in the community, etc. But, morally, with everyone losing their homes, children starving and living in cars, I have to ask the question. We could lose our home, too. That's a real possibility. But we don't have small children to feed now. Just our two dogs, one cat and a duck that can't fly that lives with us in our pool. So for me to take a job would seem wrong.
If I were to land a job, how many other men and women who have small children to feed would not get that one job available. If you think I'm stretching this theory look at the unemployment numbers and at least double them because they are truly not reflective of how many people have lost their jobs. I really think we all need to do our part in helping. I wouldn't feel right about taking a job that someone more needing of that job would lose.
I know, you ask, "How would you know you had taken it from someone more needing?" I don't. But lets be serious here. I'm not a specialist in biochemistry. Whatever job I would be qualified for could be filled by a lot of people.
What I'm trying to say here is this, what do YOU really need and how much can you live without in order to survive? I have been accused of being too ethical. I'd rather be more ethical than egotistical. There is a lot I can give up and have. I love my home, but it's not the most important aspect of my life. Not anymore. I've taken inventory and found that I could go way down the economic scale and still be very happy. I can only work on a few paintings at one time so my expenses aren't extreme. If all of us would dig deep and realize that there is real need out there, there probably wouldn't be as much need. We are all a family. If giving up an extra income that would make me more comfortable is all I can do to help others, I'm willing to do it. Thank God my husband shares my views, because he has to work very hard to keep us afloat. But he does have a job which is more than a lot of people can say right now.
As I'm sitting here writing this a dove just walked into my room from my patio. How absolutely wonderful is that? I'm talking to him right now and he's just standing here with my cat and two dogs right next to me on the floor. We are all just talking to each other. Life is good.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Good News
This week I have been accepted into the X-Power International Art Show being held at X-Power Gallery in Beverly Hills. They accepted "On The Road To Enlightenment"
The publication of "A Published Gallery" has accepted 6 of my paintings to be featured in this new book.
Good to have good news once in awhile.
The publication of "A Published Gallery" has accepted 6 of my paintings to be featured in this new book.
Good to have good news once in awhile.
On The Topic of Talent
It's Wednesday, I need to start my day, begin some kind of exercise routine, finish whatever chores I MUST DO and allow myself the luxury of painting.
Yet, here I am writing. I started my morning off with Tara Reed's, Art Licensing E-News blog which took me to Annie Salness's blog on "What is Your Creative Habit". Then I found Michael Orwick's blog where he introduces a fabulous 18 minute video http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/453 of Elizabeth Gilbert talking about where talent comes from according to legend. Last, but definitely not least I found myself at Sue Smith's blog where she, too, was talking about talent in her blog "What Does It Take To Be Talented."
Evidently Talent is the topic of the week. I find it ironic because I've been deeply thinking about that same subject for a bit of time now. I will say to all my students that we are all capable of doing everything. If you have the desire to learn something you most certainly have the ability to learn it. I truly believe that God or your higher power would not give anyone the desire without the ability to accomplish the task.
Having said that I am reminded of a student I had years ago who could not see prospective and she had MS so holding the brush was difficult for her. But she wanted to paint and I believed that if she had the desire she would be able to accomplish the art of watercolor. I'm the type of teacher who does not instruct. It makes for an easy work day actually. I just sit my students down, show them the materials they need, how to use the water and paint, give them paper (at the time I was teaching watercolor) and tell them to paint. It's quite a challenge for most people. Especially those who are used to attending classes where they are told what to do or read or write in order to get their degrees. It's the fear that comes over my students when I say, "Just Paint!" that is my hard work as a teacher. I want to jump in and rescue them, but I know that until they win the battle over fear my work is not done. I am happy to say that I have never had a student walk out of my class. And Margo is still painting. She is painting with her talent. She was able to create a style where her lack of prospective worked for her. Along with her beautiful colors and the joy in the realization that she can paint and sell her paintings now gives her great pleasure. Josey is another one who pops to mind. I sat with her for over a week of private watercolor classes before she could conquer her fear of letting go. It was such a joy to see these people open up to the possibility that in their soul there really was an artist just waiting to be discovered and experienced. Is this talent or God granting a prayer?
Elizabeth Gilbert wrote the book "Eat, Pray, Love." In this video she talks about the fears involved with her second attempt at greatness due to the fact that her book has become a national best seller beyond her dreams and how many artist's have left us early because of the demons accompanied with this fear of not being able to live with their talent.
Talent is a word that when I say it or it is said to me creates this deep penetrating caution inside my gut. I'm definitely not comfortable with it. When people say that I'm talented my immediate reaction is to say no I'm not really. This inevitably follows praise which is not my intention at all. I feel embarrassed by the reference as if I don't deserve it or that by thinking I may be talented makes me seem somehow conceited. At the very instance that I feel that stab, I'm confronted with the other feeling of not respecting the gift that has been given to me from God. These are two very conflicting emotions that I struggle with.
I agree with Sue Smith when she talks about going past the fear to reach the next level of accomplishment. If we don't give ourselves that challenge then we can't progress. I'm a living example of that for sure.
You'll be proud of me Sue because I finally overcame one of my gut fears just this week. I completed a nude. (I have attached the painting to the blog. I'm not sure I'm finished, but there it is.) Not a much defined nude, but a nude never the less. I've never been able to do this. I've started, but always painted over it because it made me feel so uncomfortable. If you that are reading have read any of my other blogs you'll remember that I was chastised for painting a nude woman as a child. After writing that blog it occurred to me that I had been affected by that childhood memory more than I had realized and now was the time to deal with it.
Artist's who teach will always be students. This is a fact. I had to take my challenge of "Just Paint" and practice what I preached. Is there talent in all of us or are just a few demonized by this entity? Is the talent from a separate source as Elizabeth talks about? I know I've felt that especially in the painting "On The Road To Enlightenment." It took me months to finish this piece because I had to wait for the next bit of information in order to take it where it wanted to go. Have you had that feeling?
I believe this is the essence of life. It's so simple yet so difficult to assimilate and glide through. How about this: With the desire brings the talent which comes from the faith that you can and this brings us to now. Where ever that now is for each of us individually in the collective consciousness of the universe is the mystery and joy.
I will continue to force myself past my demons. Whether I paint another nude or not is not what is important. The fact that I made myself finish it and felt comfortable with the finished piece is the beauty of life and where I can go now because of that action. Is it talent that ables me to go there? I don't know. Personally, I have decided to take the ancient attitude of talent and accept that it comes from an outside source that joins me in my endeavors.
Yet, here I am writing. I started my morning off with Tara Reed's, Art Licensing E-News blog which took me to Annie Salness's blog on "What is Your Creative Habit". Then I found Michael Orwick's blog where he introduces a fabulous 18 minute video http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/453 of Elizabeth Gilbert talking about where talent comes from according to legend. Last, but definitely not least I found myself at Sue Smith's blog where she, too, was talking about talent in her blog "What Does It Take To Be Talented."
Evidently Talent is the topic of the week. I find it ironic because I've been deeply thinking about that same subject for a bit of time now. I will say to all my students that we are all capable of doing everything. If you have the desire to learn something you most certainly have the ability to learn it. I truly believe that God or your higher power would not give anyone the desire without the ability to accomplish the task.
Having said that I am reminded of a student I had years ago who could not see prospective and she had MS so holding the brush was difficult for her. But she wanted to paint and I believed that if she had the desire she would be able to accomplish the art of watercolor. I'm the type of teacher who does not instruct. It makes for an easy work day actually. I just sit my students down, show them the materials they need, how to use the water and paint, give them paper (at the time I was teaching watercolor) and tell them to paint. It's quite a challenge for most people. Especially those who are used to attending classes where they are told what to do or read or write in order to get their degrees. It's the fear that comes over my students when I say, "Just Paint!" that is my hard work as a teacher. I want to jump in and rescue them, but I know that until they win the battle over fear my work is not done. I am happy to say that I have never had a student walk out of my class. And Margo is still painting. She is painting with her talent. She was able to create a style where her lack of prospective worked for her. Along with her beautiful colors and the joy in the realization that she can paint and sell her paintings now gives her great pleasure. Josey is another one who pops to mind. I sat with her for over a week of private watercolor classes before she could conquer her fear of letting go. It was such a joy to see these people open up to the possibility that in their soul there really was an artist just waiting to be discovered and experienced. Is this talent or God granting a prayer?
Elizabeth Gilbert wrote the book "Eat, Pray, Love." In this video she talks about the fears involved with her second attempt at greatness due to the fact that her book has become a national best seller beyond her dreams and how many artist's have left us early because of the demons accompanied with this fear of not being able to live with their talent.
Talent is a word that when I say it or it is said to me creates this deep penetrating caution inside my gut. I'm definitely not comfortable with it. When people say that I'm talented my immediate reaction is to say no I'm not really. This inevitably follows praise which is not my intention at all. I feel embarrassed by the reference as if I don't deserve it or that by thinking I may be talented makes me seem somehow conceited. At the very instance that I feel that stab, I'm confronted with the other feeling of not respecting the gift that has been given to me from God. These are two very conflicting emotions that I struggle with.
I agree with Sue Smith when she talks about going past the fear to reach the next level of accomplishment. If we don't give ourselves that challenge then we can't progress. I'm a living example of that for sure.
You'll be proud of me Sue because I finally overcame one of my gut fears just this week. I completed a nude. (I have attached the painting to the blog. I'm not sure I'm finished, but there it is.) Not a much defined nude, but a nude never the less. I've never been able to do this. I've started, but always painted over it because it made me feel so uncomfortable. If you that are reading have read any of my other blogs you'll remember that I was chastised for painting a nude woman as a child. After writing that blog it occurred to me that I had been affected by that childhood memory more than I had realized and now was the time to deal with it.
Artist's who teach will always be students. This is a fact. I had to take my challenge of "Just Paint" and practice what I preached. Is there talent in all of us or are just a few demonized by this entity? Is the talent from a separate source as Elizabeth talks about? I know I've felt that especially in the painting "On The Road To Enlightenment." It took me months to finish this piece because I had to wait for the next bit of information in order to take it where it wanted to go. Have you had that feeling?
I believe this is the essence of life. It's so simple yet so difficult to assimilate and glide through. How about this: With the desire brings the talent which comes from the faith that you can and this brings us to now. Where ever that now is for each of us individually in the collective consciousness of the universe is the mystery and joy.
I will continue to force myself past my demons. Whether I paint another nude or not is not what is important. The fact that I made myself finish it and felt comfortable with the finished piece is the beauty of life and where I can go now because of that action. Is it talent that ables me to go there? I don't know. Personally, I have decided to take the ancient attitude of talent and accept that it comes from an outside source that joins me in my endeavors.
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